You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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