Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
