I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
