On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Bring me that man meat
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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