imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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