She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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