I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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