nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
