you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
