I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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