sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
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Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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