I CAN MOONWALK!
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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