I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
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Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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