My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I checked into jail on foursquare
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The air taste purple.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
