In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
