Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
she looked like the before picture.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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