you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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