My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
