i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
