i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
