do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
