We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
