Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
