i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
