I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
