Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
