I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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