I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
