we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
