Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
