I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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