Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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