I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
