Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
