My liver just broke up with me...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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