i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
