I hate your face
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
