just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize