He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
