first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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