Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
