sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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