we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize