I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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