There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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