I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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