The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i can't believe i had my finger in that
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
