so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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