my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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