i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
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Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
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Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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