Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
