VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
