Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
