Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
home. puking in laundry basket.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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