I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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