just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
