So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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