i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
