He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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