How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
