Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
